This morning when I awoke and checked my e-mail, there was a message from someone I had never heard of. Her name was Jutte McIntos and her email’s subject simply said, “Re: It paays to Meen’s Heatlh.” At first I was confused. She had cared enough to capitalize only the first letter of each word, but she had included far too many extra vowels and scrambled up several consonants. Why? I went from confused to angry when I opened the email only to discover the following brief and unalluring message:
Click here and recieve great discounts: [link deleted]
Extned yoour ngiht with Sooft Cilais.
That was it? Why Jutte, why? When did you stop believing that I might purchase your product if only you took the time to spell words like “your,” “night,” and “pay” correctly? What happened to the days when you (or people like you) would at least make an attempt to fool me into clicking on your link in order to find some hidden deal on penis extending drugs or breast enhancing natural minerals? Why did you stop trying?
Bring me back to the halcyon days when there was a faint glimmer of hope that a certain combination of vitamins and minerals could add 1-3 inches to my private parts, or that I could really stand to inherit $5 million dollars from a deceased relative who worked in the Nigerian oil industry. I miss those days. I want a Kevin Trudeau-esque wooing. Is that too much to ask? I want you to make me believe that you still put a lot of time and energy into making me think your claims are legitimate. And even if you don’t, at least make it appear that you do. I don’t think I am asking too much. Just run the spell-checker from time to time. It’s the little things like that that show you care Jutte.