Archive for the ‘father’ Category

5. When you finish shaving, you grab the closest towel to wipe your face. When you open your eyes you realize you’ve just wiped shaving cream all over Zoe and Elmo.

4. When you roll over in the middle of the night to snuggle your wife, it seems she has become exceptionally hairy- so much so you open your eyes. Only to discover that you are snuggling a life size Teddy Bear.

3. The house is filled with tons of chalk, crayons, markers, paint, and etch-a-sketches, but not a single pen in sight.

2. Mowing the lawn is going fine until the lawn mower gets jammed up. When you turn it over you notice that a jump rope is wrapped around the blade. Forcing you to spend the next 15 minutes unwinding it, only to realize it is ruined, and thereby requiring you to go buy a new one before your daughter/son gets upset.

1. You look over at your wife with that, “You know what I’m thinking look.” And as you approach her and get ready to throw her over your shoulder and take her into the bedroom, your barefoot steps on to a plastic toy dinosaur (w/ spikes of course) and the prelude to a potential session of amorous love making turns into a exercise in profanity against a two inch tall plastic stegosaurus.

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