Archive for the ‘search terms’ Category

Well it is that time again.  Time to look through the search folder and laugh at all the poorly spelled, ill-thought, and just plain odd search terms that have led folks my way.  Also, for your benefit I have laced this post throughout with GRE prep vocabulary words.  Now you can learn AND laugh at the same time.

mens nuked photo

Somehow I think that the misspelling- a simple substitution of a u for an a- got this guy a whole different search result than what he intended on finding.  Imagine his horror, as he typed in this term seeking out photos of naked men and he instead found photos of nuked men- perhaps Hiroshima and Nagasaki photos?  That is a doozie of a difference caused by one wrong vowel.  In a way it is sad.  His sedulous pursuit of nude pictures of men is greeted instead with scenes of abject horror and destruction.  The real tragedy, somewhere someone’s appetite for porn was not sated– the reliance on spelling skills proved a fatal flaw in the internet’s porn delivery system in this case.

how to make sex a workout

First, have sex.  Second, you just worked out.  If you were looking to incorporate dumbbells and such, well, other than yourself, I don’t recommend using them.

sex stories to read (more…)

christian pick up lines

Hey baby, wanna get saved?

30 miles a week sex

Is said intercourse taking place in a moving vehicle?

benoit murders dog

Umm, you do know he killed his wife and son too, right?

whoopi exercise

We’ll be having NONE of that here!  NONE!

gaining 18 lbs in two weeks

I think you are looking to move in the wrong direction buddy.

“i haven’t told you everything”

Well, go on…

sex change operations before and after p

I am tired of this search term linking to me…argghhhh!

+sexercise equipment

How do I say these. Um…most people come equipped with all they need.

rosie’s weight gain blog

HA! ‘Nuff said.

christian cards with proverbs of salomon

“As we swim up stream, so the days of our lives…” Something like that, right?

backs of fat guy

Multiple backs on one fat guy? Ewwwwww.

girls with guns suicide pics

Okay, that one is seriously disturbing.

Here are the top 10 lists of clicks, search terms, posts, and referrers from this humble blog of mine.  These numbers represent the entire existence of this blog- a little over a year. Enjoy…

Top 10 Clicks

  1. youtube.com/profile?user=ultimask8er = 715
  2. skinnyr.com = 609
  3. totaltransformation.files.wordpress.c… = 419
  4. jjkaiser.blogspot.com = 359
  5. totaltransformation.files.wordpress.c… = 171
  6. totaltransformation.files.wordpress.c… = 166
  7. reply42.com/metabolism = 154
  8. totaltransformation.files.wordpress.c… = 145
  9. ediets.com/news/article.cfm/code_2443… = 144
  10. totaltransformation.files.wordpress.c… = 138

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Let’s start off with a bang. This morning I woke up early to check for e-mails from my students only to find this in my inbox

Dsineys naekd catroon picutres

I opened the email only to find one line of text which read, “Asain cuite tkaing her clotehs off.” Totally false advertising, but at least they spelled two out of ten words right.

Then I found the following comment in my spam folder:

Life begins at conception, at birth

Nothing wrong with that, right (aside from the obvious contradiction)? Well, that’s what I thought until I saw the homepage listed with the comment- gayblinddatesex…. Do people really respond to this kind of comment spam?

grils havig sex with farm animales on vi

I can’t decide if this search term is about cooking implements having sex with animals or human females engaging in fornication with barnyard animals. While either way is gross, at least the first way lets you have a hamburger after.

hillary clinton in prophecy

I always thought the anti-Christ would be male…HA!

Murder, Suicide, Texas, Law School, grad

Are these just random words or did I miss some kind of news story with all these aspects included?

HILLARY SWANK

This just might be the nastiest search term ever. Ewwww!

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I Need a Brain Scrub….

Posted: January 12, 2008 in search terms, sickness, sin

Note to whoever this sicko is….Don’t Ever Visit This blog Again…THANKS!

The following search term showed up in my “Search Engine Terms” section, not once, but twice…

Warning, there is still time to turn away….

You still want to see? Fine, then click below to see what might be the single sickest term used to find my site since this blog opened back in February of last year.

(more…)

Why is it that I post a few pictures of me shirtless, write an article or two about the health benefits of sex, and occasionally make a comment about the value of a healthy sex life in a good marriage and I get search terms like these…

weird fetish

Well that one was relatively tame, I admit, but how about these surprisingly specific and odd sexually charged search terms…

+humor +”calorie counting” +sex activity

So he wanted to get some laughs, some exercise, and some sex.  One of those doesn’t seem to fit.

adult magazine with hermaphrodite

I don’t have any recommendations to offer on this one.  Nope, none.  I swear!

gym sex

Although it might  be healthy and burns lots of calories, you might want to keep it at home.  But if you must use the gym, try the aerobics room.  And definitely DON’T try the treadmill, no matter how tempting it might be.  Trust me.

deliberate weight gain fetish

Um, how about a deliberate weight loss fetish?  That would be healthier and the food wouldn’t cost nearly as much.

fetish stuff

Unless your fetish is topless fat guys I can’t help you.

beyonces beaver

Why is it that people searching for illicit pictures of various parts of Beyonce’s anatomy refuse to use apostrophes?  Seriously, is it that hard!?

analysis of catfight fetish

Would this be actual cats fighting or women fighting each other?  Either way, it is weird.

sex exercise with photo

I don’t mind giving out advice, but you ain’t getting no pictures of me naked.  Shirtless is the best you’re gonna get. My apologies.

With the odd sex stuff behind us, how about this oddly specific search terms…

christmas rottweiler

Would this be a Rottweiler with a bow?  Or a special kind of dog with green fur?

pics fat southern cops giving tickets

Okay, this is possibly the MOST specific search term I’ve ever seen.  The kind of search term that makes you wonder what inspired this search.

sinus infections teeth long strings of m

I just have to know what the next word was!  Mucus? Monkeys? Marmosets?

nigerian baby pictures

Madonna?  Angelina Jolie?

“my forearms are burning” funny

The phrase in quotes doesn’t seem to go with the word funny in any way, shape, OR form!

fat guy on beach pic

I get this search term all too often- about twice a day.

“13 year old girl”

WHY?

fat rolls

I ask again, WHY?

things germans say

“I love wearing socks with sandals.”  Is that close?

It’s that time again, time to catch up with all the creepy and odd search terms that brought readers to my blog.

Well let’s begin with the freaky people obsessed with seeing fat and/or fat people doing things:

fat rolls; fat guy sitting; fat men in khakis; fat gut guy; [and perhaps the most disturbing AND odd] PICTURES/ FAT WOMAN POPPING A BUTTON.

I hope this isn’t anything gross, but I am SO pessimistic about people and their search terms:

potty blog; boobs before after pregnancy pictures; girl potty; sex change before and after pics

Here come the odd weight loss plans and strategies:

mucinex D lose weight

I guess it can be?!

funny fat

What did God say about this topic?  Maybe it was Elijah who spoke about this:

prophecies about autism

If you ask this question you just might be fat:

what type of cake is my personality?

I am so NOT a bad guy, but then again, how do I explain this search term referring back to my site:

a villain

And I will close with the erudite and yet emphatic search term [all emphasis contained in the original]:

BEYONCE BOOBS