Archive for the ‘creative writing’ Category

Well it is that time again.  Time to look through the search folder and laugh at all the poorly spelled, ill-thought, and just plain odd search terms that have led folks my way.  Also, for your benefit I have laced this post throughout with GRE prep vocabulary words.  Now you can learn AND laugh at the same time.

mens nuked photo

Somehow I think that the misspelling- a simple substitution of a u for an a- got this guy a whole different search result than what he intended on finding.  Imagine his horror, as he typed in this term seeking out photos of naked men and he instead found photos of nuked men- perhaps Hiroshima and Nagasaki photos?  That is a doozie of a difference caused by one wrong vowel.  In a way it is sad.  His sedulous pursuit of nude pictures of men is greeted instead with scenes of abject horror and destruction.  The real tragedy, somewhere someone’s appetite for porn was not sated– the reliance on spelling skills proved a fatal flaw in the internet’s porn delivery system in this case.

how to make sex a workout

First, have sex.  Second, you just worked out.  If you were looking to incorporate dumbbells and such, well, other than yourself, I don’t recommend using them.

sex stories to read (more…)

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Well it is that time of week again- Tuesday.  Usually a day known for only being one day better than Monday, but on longer.  Funny Acronym Tuesdays have turned everyone’s second least favorite day of the week (especially now that Hell’s Kitchen has finished for the season) into the happening place to be.  For those who haven’t played before, the rules are quite simple.  Each person who comments defines the acronym posted by the person who commented before them and then writes an acronym of their own for the next person to explain.  Feel free to make your acronyms dark, corny, odd, quirky or whatever. Just have fun!

What can you win?  A write up of your blog posted on here so you get some extra traffic and some bonus Technorati points- for all of you who are interested in that thing.  But there are also immediate benefits too, like a good laugh and some friendly banter.  Let’s see if we can break 1,001 hits in one day (last week’s record).

The first acronym is

E.U.T.H.A.N.A.S.I.A.  (more…)

The winner of the first ever Funny Acronym Tuesday (F.A.T.) was Blessed1 with the acronym B.U.R.P. which stands for “Beat up Rude People.”  Admit it, haven’t we all wanted to?!

The winner of the second ever F.A.T. challenge was Teresa with the acronym W.H.A.M.M.Y. which stands for “Wookie Hippies Ate My Mangos Yesterday.”  This is a serious problem deserving of a fitting acronym.  Thankfully we have Teresa around to supply it.

The winner of the “Return of the F.A.T.” challenge (part III) was (more…)

The Sex Police & the War on Sex

“Ken Giles was jogging in a park in Johnson City, Tenn., when, as he put it, “nature called.” He went off the trail to go take care of business. Then an undercover agent “put the badge in my face and told me that I was under arrest. I just thought I was in trouble for urinating in public.”

It was much more humiliating than that. The park was the site of a police crackdown on gay men using the park for sex. But the police went beyond arrests. Before anyone was convicted, they posted the names, addresses and photos of the men.

Giles’s wife saw his picture on the news. Then his employer fired him. “When I lost my job … my wife was so upset that she had a … a major heart attack.”

Another man named by the police killed himself.” – John Stossel

What purpose does this kind of thing serve?  Why can’t police distinguish between someone trying to relieve themselves and someone try to get some kicks from public sex?  Why are police so busy hiding in bushes or bathroom stalls trying to entrap people into engaging in illicit activities?  While engaging in sexual acts in clear public view in front of others should indeed be a crime, There is no need for all this covert activity and undercover work.

Banning Fast Food to Fight Obesity?

“Jan Perry, a Los Angeles city-council member, is spearheading legislation that would ban new fast-food restaurants like McDonald’s and KFC from opening in a 32-square-mile chunk of the city, including her district.” – WSJ

You might ask why?  The standard response from advocates of such measure

“[These measures are] crucial in the fight against obesity, diabetes and other diseases and health conditions.”

While all of you know I take seriously the problem of obesity in America, this is certainly not the way to go about it.  Limiting the choices of all members of society because some abuse their freedom is the very antithesis of what one should expect from their government.  This problem will only be solved when individuals take responsibility for their actions, not when the government bans or sin taxes every last twinkie, Big Mac, or fried food found in fast food restaurants, grocery stores, or your very own fridge.

Grown up P.E.- Do you Still Hit the Dork With Glasses? Wait, That’s me!

“This is Old School P.E., a two-hour exercise program strictly for adults, built around grown-up versions of gym class staples. Participants say getting in shape is a bonus to the main attraction — a Friday night out with friends, away from the kids.” – Yahoo! News (more…)

Yup, here it is, Hitler at a zoo standing in front of an animal\'s cage.  Which animal?  I don\'t know.  But there you go, just for the three of you who searched for it.

There you go, a picture of Hitler at the zoo. Weird, huh?

We begin with the search term that was good enough to become the title of this post.  Seriously, I mention going to the zoo twice and all of a sudden I get THREE hits from people searching the term:

hitler going to the zoo

This of course made me curious.  Are there three people out there who are really interested in seeing Hitler take a brisk yet leisurely walk through a zoo somewhere in Germany?  How odd.

im a big guy and i want to make sex more

Sorry, I can’t help you with that.  However, I can help with your syntax and grammar.  Why not try this search term next time, “I am a full-bodied corpulent man interested in finding a woman with whom I might engage in various acts of fornication and obtain a high degree of carnal knowledge of her female form.”  Hey, at least it sounds more sophisticated and less..uh..cavemanish.

kinky christian in relationship

So, what exactly are you looking for? (more…)

This morning when I awoke and checked my e-mail, there was a message from someone I had never heard of.  Her name was Jutte McIntos and her email’s subject simply said, “Re: It paays to Meen’s Heatlh.”  At first I was confused.  She had cared enough to capitalize only the first letter of each word, but she had included far too many extra vowels and scrambled up several consonants.  Why?  I went from confused to angry when I opened the email only to discover the following brief and unalluring message: (more…)

If you need some inspiration for this week’s funny acronym Tuesday challenge, just click on this recent post to see the longest (and funniest) acronym ever.  Don’t forget that the reward for this week’s funny acronym challenge is a full post dedicated to directing traffic from this blog to yours.  So for you traffic hounds and Tecnnorati rank obsessed folks it’s like virtual gold.  Extra points for those who work in current events or use big fancy words.

Why don’t we start out simply enough.  OCD was the last to post last week, so we will begin with her acronym.

S.U.N.S.H.I.N.E.