Odd Conversations in my House: Birds and the….

Posted: July 23, 2008 in blogging, challenge, child, cute, entertainment, family, Funny, humor, joke, kids, laugh, life, Me, my life
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The events in this post take place around 7 p.m.- bath time in our home.  I am sitting in the tub in my swim trunks (since my daughter demands I get in the tub too) surrounded by ponies, McDonald’s Kid’s Meal transformers, and various girly things.  I am attempting to give my daughter a bath, which is surprisingly hard to do when we occupy the same small tub.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your knees?

Me: Sure.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your back?

Me: Sure.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your bagina?

Me: Honey, daddies don’t have vaginas.

My Daughter: Really?!  MOMMMMMYYYY?

My Wife: Yes?


My Wife: No honey, daddies don’t have vaginas.

My Daughter: Oh okay.  Daddy?

Me: What honey?

My Daughter: If daddies don’t have baginas, what do daddies have?

Me: Um, can we have this conversation about two or three years from now?

Color me flustered.

  1. MizFit says:


    thats it.
    nary a fitness thought abounds 🙂

  2. Neil says:

    Ha! Welcome to parenting girls. My wife found a series of books that addressed age-appropriate questions about sex in a faith-based way. They were just right.

  3. “My wife found a series of books that addressed age-appropriate questions about sex in a faith-based way”

    The title and author(s) please?

  4. Neil says:

    I was being lazy and didn’t want to search for it. Turns out is was 4 feet away on the bookshelf!

    “What’s the Big Deal? Why God Cares About Sex.” Stan and Brenna Jones.

    It was a series of 4 books for various age ranges. I couldn’t find the exact set on Amazon but here is what appears to be a summary book – http://www.amazon.com/When-Tell-Your-Kids-About/dp/160006017X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1216821483&sr=8-2

  5. Laura says:

    Hilarious! My parents also taught me when I was really little, using some kind of picture book, but it wasn’t that one and I have no idea what the title was.

  6. Ashley says:

    LOL So innocent LOL I love it

  7. Lol. Gotta love little ones. I have fun with that. 😉

  8. Bwan Muffin says:

    A few weeks ago I found my FOUR YEAR OLD “entertaining” himself during naptime. I thought I would die. It was awful. And he is at that stage where I have to be careful around him b/c he notices….differences….and likes to stare, or talk about it. VERY awkward. 😕

    This is the part of parenting I wasn’t thinking about when I peed on that stick. 😆

  9. JudiFree.com says:

    OH MY! My brother just had a baby girl and I’m sending this link now!!! He better get ready…

  10. “OH MY! My brother just had a baby girl and I’m sending this link now!!! He better get ready…”

    Be sure he knows, it is nothing to be ashamed of sitting in Hawaiian short in a small sized bathtub surrounded by ponies and such. But on the safe side, he probably shouldn’t tell his friends.

  11. JudiFree.com says:

    we are all wondering…how old is she??????????????

  12. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, she just turned 3 several months ago.

  13. Julianne says:

    omigosh, that is sooo funny and cute!! 🙂 3 year olds are so funny. thanks for visiting my site! are you training for anything in particular??

  14. ROFL. Oh, that’s great.

    My turn to share! About a month ago, I was with my little brother (who is 9), and we started talking about adoption. His 3d grade teacher adopted a child who had been in a neglectful home and told the kids about it. So my little brother started saying that it’s bad to be adopted (because he thinks that all adopted kids were treated badly and unloved).

    Me: No. Sometimes people give babies up for adoption because they really love them and want to give them a better life with other parents. Some people have babies when they are too young to be good parents.

    Little Brother: Bridget, why does it take a boy and a girl to make a baby?

    Me: [utter panic] What do you mean?

    LB: Why do you need a boy and a girl to make a baby?

    Me: [to self: this is one inquisitive kid. “Ask Mommy and Daddy” isn’t going to help. Um…. (^*%^@#(&!] [Finally] It increases genetic diversity.

    LB: What??

    Me: It increases genetic diversity. When both a mommy and a daddy contribute genes to the next generation, the offspring have an entirely new set of genes that aids in survival.

  15. Excellent answer Bridget.

  16. Neil says:

    This will come as a big surprise to new readers, but Bridget is about to take the bar exam to be a lawyer 😉 .

    And based on that response, I think she’ll make a very good one!

  17. ahmeen says:

    ….or two to three decades!!! I was overhearing my son and daughter trying to puzzle out the “hair down there” conundrum. I am nnnnooootttt ready for that. But when it comes I will answer as if I am…. and hope to goodness they won’t notice how embarrassed I will be!

  18. AndrewE says:

    Aargh…I have a one year old daughter. I’m not ready for these questions!

    I’ll be looking at those books. Thanks Neil!

  19. lol!!!
    that’s funny.

    we have penis talks around here all the time. most people would probably be offended to know how many times a day i use the word penis…but, hey, that’s life with three sons!

  20. theepiphany says:

    OH man, haha! Whew – I am NOT looking forward to those conversations!

  21. Neil says:

    Yep, those conversations can be awkward. One nice thing about reading from the books is that they are sitting on your lap and can’t see your (possibly embarrassed) face. Then you have a dialogue going and it is easier to converse. They help get things started.

  22. Thank you, TT and Neil. 🙂

  23. On the subject of Christian reading about sexuality, I’ll suggest Rob Bell’s Sex God for teenagers (high school) and adults.

  24. Tiffany says:

    Ah!!! I remember taking baths with my dad in his swim trunks..haha. Whoo, I am glad I won’t be having kids anytime soon to have these kind of talks…I would DIE. Kids are so cute though, they say the best things…ever. My little cousin comes off with the most random things that we shouldn’t laugh at…but can’t help not to.

  25. Stiletto says:

    Oh, boy! Hilarious! But I think I would have excused myself right after because my cheeks would be bright red!’

    BTW, OT, but you know that show you just mentioned, Ninja Warrior? Well, I think my slacker trainer is training for the same thing!

  26. Rachel D. says:

    LOL That is just too funny!!! 🙂

  27. tam says:


    im so glad we are done with those talks!

    you can rent my kids to have the talk with your lil one. they’re experts now!

  28. “they’re experts now!”

    Perhaps I don’t want you to explain that statement any further. 😉

  29. tam says:

    hehehe! perhaps not.

  30. -->cara says:

    Hi Jon,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I was just going over some old posts and saw your visit.

    Your blog is amazing. I’ve only read just a few posts, but I’m bookmarking it to come back when I have more time to spend reading more of it.

  31. alece says:

    holy crow! that was funny!

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