Archive for the ‘joke’ Category

Well it is that time of week again- Tuesday.  Usually a day known for only being one day better than Monday, but on longer.  Funny Acronym Tuesdays have turned everyone’s second least favorite day of the week (especially now that Hell’s Kitchen has finished for the season) into the happening place to be.  For those who haven’t played before, the rules are quite simple.  Each person who comments defines the acronym posted by the person who commented before them and then writes an acronym of their own for the next person to explain.  Feel free to make your acronyms dark, corny, odd, quirky or whatever. Just have fun!

What can you win?  A write up of your blog posted on here so you get some extra traffic and some bonus Technorati points- for all of you who are interested in that thing.  But there are also immediate benefits too, like a good laugh and some friendly banter.  Let’s see if we can break 1,001 hits in one day (last week’s record).

The first acronym is

E.U.T.H.A.N.A.S.I.A.  (more…)

The Sex Police & the War on Sex

“Ken Giles was jogging in a park in Johnson City, Tenn., when, as he put it, “nature called.” He went off the trail to go take care of business. Then an undercover agent “put the badge in my face and told me that I was under arrest. I just thought I was in trouble for urinating in public.”

It was much more humiliating than that. The park was the site of a police crackdown on gay men using the park for sex. But the police went beyond arrests. Before anyone was convicted, they posted the names, addresses and photos of the men.

Giles’s wife saw his picture on the news. Then his employer fired him. “When I lost my job … my wife was so upset that she had a … a major heart attack.”

Another man named by the police killed himself.” – John Stossel

What purpose does this kind of thing serve?  Why can’t police distinguish between someone trying to relieve themselves and someone try to get some kicks from public sex?  Why are police so busy hiding in bushes or bathroom stalls trying to entrap people into engaging in illicit activities?  While engaging in sexual acts in clear public view in front of others should indeed be a crime, There is no need for all this covert activity and undercover work.

Banning Fast Food to Fight Obesity?

“Jan Perry, a Los Angeles city-council member, is spearheading legislation that would ban new fast-food restaurants like McDonald’s and KFC from opening in a 32-square-mile chunk of the city, including her district.” – WSJ

You might ask why?  The standard response from advocates of such measure

“[These measures are] crucial in the fight against obesity, diabetes and other diseases and health conditions.”

While all of you know I take seriously the problem of obesity in America, this is certainly not the way to go about it.  Limiting the choices of all members of society because some abuse their freedom is the very antithesis of what one should expect from their government.  This problem will only be solved when individuals take responsibility for their actions, not when the government bans or sin taxes every last twinkie, Big Mac, or fried food found in fast food restaurants, grocery stores, or your very own fridge.

Grown up P.E.- Do you Still Hit the Dork With Glasses? Wait, That’s me!

“This is Old School P.E., a two-hour exercise program strictly for adults, built around grown-up versions of gym class staples. Participants say getting in shape is a bonus to the main attraction — a Friday night out with friends, away from the kids.” – Yahoo! News (more…)

The events in this post take place around 7 p.m.- bath time in our home.  I am sitting in the tub in my swim trunks (since my daughter demands I get in the tub too) surrounded by ponies, McDonald’s Kid’s Meal transformers, and various girly things.  I am attempting to give my daughter a bath, which is surprisingly hard to do when we occupy the same small tub.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your knees?

Me: Sure.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your back?

Me: Sure.

My Daughter: Daddy, can I wash your bagina? (more…)

This morning when I awoke and checked my e-mail, there was a message from someone I had never heard of.  Her name was Jutte McIntos and her email’s subject simply said, “Re: It paays to Meen’s Heatlh.”  At first I was confused.  She had cared enough to capitalize only the first letter of each word, but she had included far too many extra vowels and scrambled up several consonants.  Why?  I went from confused to angry when I opened the email only to discover the following brief and unalluring message: (more…)

If you need some inspiration for this week’s funny acronym Tuesday challenge, just click on this recent post to see the longest (and funniest) acronym ever.  Don’t forget that the reward for this week’s funny acronym challenge is a full post dedicated to directing traffic from this blog to yours.  So for you traffic hounds and Tecnnorati rank obsessed folks it’s like virtual gold.  Extra points for those who work in current events or use big fancy words.

Why don’t we start out simply enough.  OCD was the last to post last week, so we will begin with her acronym.

S.U.N.S.H.I.N.E.

Since bloggers all over the blogosphere have their own little weird competitions and cooperative challenges (see Whatever Wednesday and Fill-in Fridays) I figured, why not try out my own.  This might fall flat on its face or it might be pretty funny.  Much of that is up to you guys, the readers.

The Rules of the Game.  I post an acronym and the first person to comment fills in the missing words and creates an unexplained acronym of their own.  The next comment fills in that acronym and so on.  Here is a short example.

I post the acronym: H.A.R.M.

Someone comments: H.A.R.M. = Heuristic Analogue Rental Meat.   S.M.A.C.K.

Next comment: S.M.A.C.K. = Serendipitous Musclemen Aficionados Cruising to Kansas.  A.W.O.K.

Make your response corny, odd, dark, wherever your sense of humor leads.  What do you think?  Swing on by on Tuesday for the first acronym of Funny Acronym Tuesday.

For the full story with somewhat witty commentary click here.

christian pick up lines

Hey baby, wanna get saved?

30 miles a week sex

Is said intercourse taking place in a moving vehicle?

benoit murders dog

Umm, you do know he killed his wife and son too, right?

whoopi exercise

We’ll be having NONE of that here!  NONE!

gaining 18 lbs in two weeks

I think you are looking to move in the wrong direction buddy.

“i haven’t told you everything”

Well, go on…

sex change operations before and after p

I am tired of this search term linking to me…argghhhh!

+sexercise equipment

How do I say these. Um…most people come equipped with all they need.

rosie’s weight gain blog

HA! ‘Nuff said.

christian cards with proverbs of salomon

“As we swim up stream, so the days of our lives…” Something like that, right?

backs of fat guy

Multiple backs on one fat guy? Ewwwwww.

girls with guns suicide pics

Okay, that one is seriously disturbing.

Funny Stuff…

Posted: February 6, 2008 in Funny, humor, joke
Tags: , ,

Enjoy the following wedding advertisements…

wedding01.jpg wedding07.jpg

For more unintentionally hilarious engagement announcements click here.

Let’s start off with a bang. This morning I woke up early to check for e-mails from my students only to find this in my inbox

Dsineys naekd catroon picutres

I opened the email only to find one line of text which read, “Asain cuite tkaing her clotehs off.” Totally false advertising, but at least they spelled two out of ten words right.

Then I found the following comment in my spam folder:

Life begins at conception, at birth

Nothing wrong with that, right (aside from the obvious contradiction)? Well, that’s what I thought until I saw the homepage listed with the comment- gayblinddatesex…. Do people really respond to this kind of comment spam?

grils havig sex with farm animales on vi

I can’t decide if this search term is about cooking implements having sex with animals or human females engaging in fornication with barnyard animals. While either way is gross, at least the first way lets you have a hamburger after.

hillary clinton in prophecy

I always thought the anti-Christ would be male…HA!

Murder, Suicide, Texas, Law School, grad

Are these just random words or did I miss some kind of news story with all these aspects included?

HILLARY SWANK

This just might be the nastiest search term ever. Ewwww!

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