Top Five Ways you Know You’re a Father…

5. When you finish shaving, you grab the closest towel to wipe your face. When you open your eyes you realize you’ve just wiped shaving cream all over Zoe and Elmo.

4. When you roll over in the middle of the night to snuggle your wife, it seems she has become exceptionally hairy- so much so you open your eyes. Only to discover that you are snuggling a life size Teddy Bear.

3. The house is filled with tons of chalk, crayons, markers, paint, and etch-a-sketches, but not a single pen in sight.

2. Mowing the lawn is going fine until the lawn mower gets jammed up. When you turn it over you notice that a jump rope is wrapped around the blade. Forcing you to spend the next 15 minutes unwinding it, only to realize it is ruined, and thereby requiring you to go buy a new one before your daughter/son gets upset.

1. You look over at your wife with that, “You know what I’m thinking look.” And as you approach her and get ready to throw her over your shoulder and take her into the bedroom, your barefoot steps on to a plastic toy dinosaur (w/ spikes of course) and the prelude to a potential session of amorous love making turns into a exercise in profanity against a two inch tall plastic stegosaurus.

Click below to see reader submissions and post your own submission to the comment board…

Tomorrow’s Big Workout; Next Week’s Evaluation…

Tomorrow is a big workout, as it will be my last workout until I do a reassessment for the Men’s Health Fitness Challenge.    I plan on demolishing my body tomorrow and then giving it 4 days to get ready for the reassessment.  I will post on that workout tomorrow or the next day.
It’s been a busy time around here completing my first full week of Ph.D. course work and teaching- which I as usual stressed out about WAY too much. I have now taught two classes (Western Civilization & U.S. History to 1877), and in my own estimation, I’ve done a pretty good job. Why do I think so? I have been able to work from memory, move around the room, and engage students.

So despite my fears, I feel that to some degree I’ve overcome them.

Breaking Free of Plateaus: A New Suggestion

Here it is, as simply as I can put it:

Indulgence days aren’t optional, they are essential!

Yeah, I know, you’ve spent the last few months (or years) carefully watching every calorie lest you eat 1 calorie too much.  And this might seem counter-intuitive, but trust me on this.  I stumbled on this by accident.

As many of you know I was stuck somewhere between 168.5 and 170.5 for about 70 days or so.  I also had no change in either muscle growth or waist shrinkage.  Both numbers remained the same for that 70 day period.

Last week, as I had company in town, I ended up taking two days off my diet for the sake of convenience.  Keep in mind I DID NOT take off time from my workouts.  On the first night I ate three VERY large slices of pizza and a few garlic knots, and on the second night I ate a delicious Checkers’ burger with small fries.  Sure, on those nights I weighed in at about 170.2, but I felt fine and my waist measurement never went up.

The next day I got back to basics and stuck with my meal plan and ran through a good resistance training workout and a short cardio session (part walk, part interval training).

The next day I rested and ate well.

On the fourth day I stepped on the scale…

Today’s Workout: 08/27/08

I put in only 20 minutes in the gym today (not including cardio) with EXCELLENT results.  I have broken my workout down to 4 essential exercises.  What are they you ask?

Squats

Chin-ups

Push-ups

Deadlifts

That’s it!  Try doing as any of those as you can for two circuits.   Those are the solid base to my workout.  From there I add on at most two specialized exercises (i.e. Bicep Curl, Shoudler Raise, Tricep Ext., etc.).  I also add on an ab routine.  And even with those ad ons the routine can be done in less than 20 minutes.  

Try it out!  Let me know how it goes.   

A Letter From Mahmoud Admadinejad to the U.S.

It seems Mamhoud Admadinejad (the President of Iran) is at it again, writing letters to the American people.  You won’t believe his latest writings. Check them out over at Musings, Rants, and Monologues.

The direct link is http://jjkaiser.blogspot.com 

Screech: The Embodiment of Weight Loss Nonsense…

Since Atkins is dead, and I am loathe to make fun of the departed, I bring you a new object of scorn and ridicule. I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, Screech (a.k.a. Dustin Diamond). This Z-list former child star made an appearance on last season’s Celebrity Fit Club. Yes, I know, I know, why am I watching this mind rotting drivel. But bear with me.

Screech spouted some of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard about weight loss in my life- sadly they weren’t anything new. There are lots of people who buy into the Screech philosophy of weight loss. And that buy-in is why so many spend their lives losing and gaining weight in that vicious yo-yo cycle.

Here is some common weight loss B.S.

1. I don’t need cardiovascular and resistance training, I can just take some (insert weight loss drug here) and I will get slim.

Well, while you might get slim, you won’t get healthy. Health is the result of a good regimen of exercise and proper diet. What you will get from following B.S. advice #1 is fat.  You’ll get fat as soon as you stop wasting $40 bucks a month for those possibly dangerous weight loss pills.  But I guess that is better compared with the health effects of taking one of those fat loss supplements for far too long.

Don’t just aim for weight loss at all costs.  Aim for good health!

I just have to cut calories and I can lose weight.

It is a really simple equation, take in less calories than you burn and you will lose weight. But once again, it doesn’t mean you will be healthy. You can lose weight eating nothing but refried bacon, but it wouldn’t be a good idea. Focus on a balanced diet that allows you to consume less calories than you need during any given day.

While you can lose weight on a diet of pizza and lard, it isn’t a good idea. Trust me, I tried it in college.

I am healthy where I am, I don’t need to lose weight.

You may be, you may not be. You don’t know. So start exercising and eating healthy. If you stay the same weight then chances are you were right. But until you hit the gym or the pavement (or both) you won’t know.  Bottom line is that weight is often an over-rated indicator of health.  Instead look at the measurement of your waist, heck, look at your belly.  Does it hang over your belt?

Bottom line, start living a healthy lifestyle of regular exercise and a balanced diet.  See where it goes from there.

Coming Soon: Screech- The Embodiment of Weight Loss Nonsense…

Coming soon.  For those of you who didn’t see this train wreck go on Youtube or flip to VH1 and check out the last season of Celebrity Fit Club.

Losing Faith in the Internet….

Wouldn’t you know it, my top rated post today is none other than my classic, “Beyonce’s Breasts and Beyond” post from last month that poked fun at internet comment spammers.  Not only was this my most popular post today, but most of those who read it reached the post through a direct search for the terms “Beyonce’s breasts,” “Beyonce Breasts,” “Beyonce + Breast,” or some other variations on the theme.  How many people found my blog using those search terms today?  Let’s just say more than 3 dozen.

This all leaves me with one very important question.  Is there something going on with Beyonce’s breasts that I should know about?  I guess I just might have to Google the same search terms to find out.   HA!  Luckily, I have too little free time to spend in such pursuits, so I will leave the Googling of Beyonce’s chest to trained internet professionals.

One Big Announcement I Forgot…

Thanks to all the weight I’ve lost combined with the strength I’ve gained, I can now bench press more that I weigh. This is excellent news. Why? Because your bench press to body-weight ratio is an important number and also a source of a good deal of pride.

My current ratio is 1.07 OR 107%. I am shooting for a 200 lb bench press tomorrow. If I complete that lift my ratio will be 1.19 OR 119%. [To get your ratio divide the weight lifted by your weight.]  My goal is to hit 135% within three months.  Assuming I stay the same weight I would need a 225 lb bench press to accomplish that goal.  I think that is very achievable!

BTW I got a blood pressure and pulse check today. My B/P is 108/65 and my resting pulse was around 70. When I started back in February my B/P was 129/76 and my resting pulse was 79.

Men’s Health Fitness Test: Results…

Below are the results from my physical assessment and how they rank on a scale from out-of-shape to Men’s Health Fit.  Check here for more details.

Push-up = 35 (Fit)

Chin-up = 6 (Between average and fit)

One Mile Run = 8 minutes 35 seconds (Average)

One-legged Squat = 2 with my left leg, 1 with my right leg. (Surprisingly enough, average)

My Goal is to be in the top tier of each category.  50 push-ups, 12 chin-ups, a 7 minute mile, and 10 one-legged squats.