Top Five Ways you Know You’re a Father…

Posted: August 31, 2007 in baby, blogging, change, child, children, creative writing, entertainment, family, father, Funny, happiness, home, humor, husband, joke, kids, laugh, life, marriage, Me, Musings, my life, personal

5. When you finish shaving, you grab the closest towel to wipe your face. When you open your eyes you realize you’ve just wiped shaving cream all over Zoe and Elmo.

4. When you roll over in the middle of the night to snuggle your wife, it seems she has become exceptionally hairy- so much so you open your eyes. Only to discover that you are snuggling a life size Teddy Bear.

3. The house is filled with tons of chalk, crayons, markers, paint, and etch-a-sketches, but not a single pen in sight.

2. Mowing the lawn is going fine until the lawn mower gets jammed up. When you turn it over you notice that a jump rope is wrapped around the blade. Forcing you to spend the next 15 minutes unwinding it, only to realize it is ruined, and thereby requiring you to go buy a new one before your daughter/son gets upset.

1. You look over at your wife with that, “You know what I’m thinking look.” And as you approach her and get ready to throw her over your shoulder and take her into the bedroom, your barefoot steps on to a plastic toy dinosaur (w/ spikes of course) and the prelude to a potential session of amorous love making turns into a exercise in profanity against a two inch tall plastic stegosaurus.

Click below to see reader submissions and post your own submission to the comment board…

1. When your family restaurant choices are limited ones that have some kind of chicken nuggets. —Jay—

2.  After ironing a shirt, having your 2 year old smear jelly on the back of it, while giving you the departing hug for work. And no, you don’t realize the jelly is there.  —Timothy—

Advertisements
Comments
  1. arclightzero says:

    Hmm…. You sound as if you’re speaking from experience!

    Should we be concerned for the well being of plastic dinosaurs in your household?

  2. lifelemons says:

    HAHA! I guess my life will be something like this in the not so distant future!

  3. Jay says:

    6: When your family restaurant choices are limited ones that have some kind of chicken nuggets.

  4. Jay, if a waitress asks my daughter what she wants to eat, without fail, she will respond…

    “CHICKEN NUGGETS PLLEEEAAASSEEE.”

    WE tried taking her to a chinese restaraunt once, let’s just say, it didn’t work out.

    Arclight: It could be worse, she could be a boy and be into little army men with REALLY pointy bayonets. That would hurt worse.

  5. Timothy says:

    7. After ironing a shirt, having your 2 year old smear jelly on the back of it, while giving you the departing hug for work. And no, you don’t realize the jelly is there.

  6. 7. Your sidebar says that you are nine weeks into your weight loss journey. It’s August, and you started in February. 😉

    8. You can tell, down to the picosecond, when a child is about to throw up. “[Theo], I don’t feel too well,” means “hold me over something that isn’t an Oriental carpet, because I’m going to projectile vomit.”

    Actually, I hope I never know what it’s like to be a father. 🙂

  7. isaacme says:

    lol, I was the youngest biological child in the family, and we adopted my brother when he was 3 1/2, and since I’m not married or anywhere near having kids, I don’t really know the feeling. But I sure love laughing at you lol.

  8. Neil says:

    Thanks for the laughs!

  9. Jay says:

    My wife and I lucked out a little bit because our little girl will eat a side of Mexican rice or fried rice at those respective restaurants. But she’ll eat chicken nuggets any day. 🙂

  10. DD2 says:

    I saw a Talking scale once that said
    “One person at a time please”

  11. DD2 says:

    Ugg, sorry man I put my comment in the wrong section.

  12. Randy says:

    hmmm.

    You know you’re a father when you realize there’s something yellow on your shoulder, and it’s pretty gross… (my daughter was 2 when this happened to me, several times).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s