This Just MIGHT be the Funniest Thing You’ve EVER read!

Posted: December 10, 2011 in Me, my life
Tags: , , , ,

The Set-up: Back in 2009 I got yet another attempt to advertise a product on my blog. I decided to have some fun with the salesman and his product. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did.

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From: Nick
To: John
Subject: text link

Hi,

I was curious what it would take to get a text link on your blog saying something like “Tungsten Wedding Bands” or “Tungsten Wedding Rings” with a hyperlink to our site [website address omitted]. We are a relatively new company and we are currently trying to improve our page ranking on Google. We operate on a small budget, and we would be more than willing to give you a tungsten ring from our site in exchange for a link. Let me know if this would be something that you would be interested in. Thanks for any help you can give us.

Thank You

Nick
———————————————————————————
From: John
To: Nick
Subject: Re:text

Nick,

As I run several blogs I am curious which blog you are referring to. That said, I am glad to accept your offer of a free ring, please make mine a diamond ring. And be sure that the ring is made of real gold, as I am allergic to fake gold and it causes me to break out in hives.

J.J.K.
———————————————————————————-
From: Nick
To: John
Subject: Re:Re: text

Hi John,

Thank you for getting back to me. In exchange for a text link on your homepage saying “Titanium Wedding Ring” you can pick any Tungsten ring with a value up to $120 just let me know what style/size ring that you want along with your shipping address and I can get that right to you. If you sould send me a links to your blogs I would really appreciate it.

Thank You
Nick
———————————————————————————-
From: John
To: Nick
Subject: Re:Re:Re: text link

I would be glad to post a link provided you let me know what you would like me to say about them. For example, should I let me readers know that they have special healing properties? I have heard that some metals can cure illnesses ranging from rectal bleeding to anal warts. On second thought, I am not sure why the medical literature I am familiar with deals primarily with illnesses of the gluteas maximus, but perhaps that isn’t the best idea.

Do these rings bring good luck? Could they remedy a Gypsy curse- like in that movie Thinner? That movie was quite terrible, but at least it gave me an excuse to make out with my date. And comparing my date to that haggard old gypsy definitely made me feel lucky to be kissing a woman of average attractiveness instead of a mean old curse spewing gypsy. Although, as a historically oppressed people, I probably should not be so hard on them.

Let me know back about this and then (if acceptable) I will try to post and forward the links on my blog.

John K.
—————————————————————————
From: Nick
To: John
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re: text link

Hi John,

Thank you for getting back to me. The only thing that I am really looking for is a text link somewhere on your home page that says “Ceramic Wedding Ring” and if you are looking for something to say about them is that tungsten rings are ten times stronger than gold and almost impossible to scratch or break.

Thank you
Nick
—————————————————————————
From: John
To: Nick
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: text link

Nick,

Thanks for the prompt response. I am glad to hear that the rings are impossible to scratch or break- that makes me much more comfortable recommending them. Such would definitely have its upside. Just the other day I was fighting my arch-nemesis Lex Luther and just when I punched him my ring broke. As an expert in rings you could probably guess that I was not wearing a tungsten ring. It didn’t help that Alex had on his special Kryptonite gloves. He is truly a devious foe.

Which brings up an important question. The facilities where you produce your rings don’t also produce anything that includes kryptonite, right? If they do, that is a definite deal breaker. Please check on that for me.

John K.
————————————————————————————
From: Nick
To: John
Subject: Re:Textlink

John,

Tungsten Engagement Bands

Only the highest quality tungsten carbide is used to make our tungsten engagement rings. If you are looking for the finest tungsten engagement ring available, look no further. Tungsten carbide engagement rings retain their unique luster and do not darken over time. We have all of our tunsten engagement rings in stock and ready to ship. All of our tungsten carbide engagement rings come with a full, hassle free, lifetime warranty. As far as I know there is now kryptonite in or around the rings. If you could please let me know when the link is up I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you
Nick
———————————————————————————
From: John
To: Nick
Subject: Re:Textlink

Nick,

I am relieved to hear that your rings don’t contain kryptonite. You would think the government would regulate such a dangerous substance, but apparently any nefarious villain is allowed to purchase and carry the stuff around. Heck, I even think they sell it at Target.

But I digress. My websites address is:

http://www.Icriedwatchingthesisterhoodofthetravellingpantsandateawholegallonoficecream.com

I’ll admit the url is a bit long, but it really got across the message and allowed me to connect with my primary audience; my fellow uber masculine men who aren’t afraid to admit that that girl from Ugly Betty (in the movie she is the fat one- I know, I know, I shouldn’t say fat, I should say waist line challenged, please forgive me) is so beautifully connected through the bonds of friendship with her three skinnier and considerably prettier friends. If I may be honest Nick, the night I first watched that movie I consumed so much ice cream that I went from looking like Kate Moss to Rosie O’Donnell. Since that night I’ve watched the movie at least 2,567 times. Okay, I’ve watched it much more than that, but if I told you how many times I really watched it I would be really embarrassed.

John K.

P.S. Nick, I want you to know that I’ve enjoyed our correspondence thus far. I feel I can be open with you and really share my innermost fears and secrets. That means a lot in today’s hyper-commericialist world of text messaging and cheap trinket jewelry for sale online. Do you know what I mean?

—————————————————————–

At this point Nick stopped responding to my emails.  😦  It was fun while it lasted Nick.

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Comments
  1. poor poor nick. I guess he really doesn’t want to sell your rings. On a side note, I am currently selling rings composed of depleted uranium. They never blacken, they are impossible to scratch, and they do indeed cause illnesses ranging from rectal bleeding to anal warts. Yup, guaranteed. Feel free to contact me if I can post a link on you blog.

  2. I’ve read a few excellent stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how so much attempt you place to make the sort of wonderful informative site.

  3. ^^^ You can’t write situations this funny.

  4. […] Caption Challenge: Ceiling LifeProject ClupCinfayProfessor Owl’s April 2012 NewsletterTotalTransformationTestComments Powered by Facebook […]

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