Well it is that time again.  Time to look through the search folder and laugh at all the poorly spelled, ill-thought, and just plain odd search terms that have led folks my way.  Also, for your benefit I have laced this post throughout with GRE prep vocabulary words.  Now you can learn AND laugh at the same time.

mens nuked photo

Somehow I think that the misspelling- a simple substitution of a u for an a- got this guy a whole different search result than what he intended on finding.  Imagine his horror, as he typed in this term seeking out photos of naked men and he instead found photos of nuked men- perhaps Hiroshima and Nagasaki photos?  That is a doozie of a difference caused by one wrong vowel.  In a way it is sad.  His sedulous pursuit of nude pictures of men is greeted instead with scenes of abject horror and destruction.  The real tragedy, somewhere someone’s appetite for porn was not sated– the reliance on spelling skills proved a fatal flaw in the internet’s porn delivery system in this case.

how to make sex a workout

First, have sex.  Second, you just worked out.  If you were looking to incorporate dumbbells and such, well, other than yourself, I don’t recommend using them.

sex stories to read

Do you really need recommendations?

soon car

What?  As opposed to a not-so-soon or a late car?  What could you possibly be searching for?  Or should I ask, could you use a more vague search term?

chris benoit murder suicide scene

Ever since I posted on this I have regretted it based on the odd and dark search terms that have found their way onto my WordPress dashboard.  Why do so many people want to see murder/suicide pictures?  And don’t you dare claim you are writing a murder novel and doing research.  While a similar excuse might have worked for Pete Townsend, it won’t fly with me.  Please keep the search terms that originate in the pits of moral turpitude deep in your soul to yourself, please.  It is search terms like these that tempt me to the dark path of misanthropy.

nija throwing donuts photos

Assuming you meant “ninjas” this is still weird.  Why would you search for this?  Are you a fatophile who dreams of your own personal ninja who throws donuts into your mouth?  If so, please don’t tell me.  However, maybe this is some kind of scene out of Beverly Hills Ninja.  If it was I wouldn’t know since I don’t watch Chris Farley movies.

john edwards shirtless

WHY?  Are you seriously mentally ill?  Isn’t it bad enough I posted pictures of both Obama and Putin shirtless.  Now you want to see Edwards shirtless?  I should have known that when I posted the Putin picture it was the equivalent of giving an inch and now you guys want to take the whole mile.  So let me state emphatically that I will NEVER post a shirtless photo of John Edwards!  Although on the other hand, perhaps it would draw attention away from his vacuous smile and his tired “two Americas” catch-phrase.

tight shirt, fat guy

Well, it is still better than pictures of John Edwards shirtless.

sexercise me

No thanks.

cartoon poor

Well when we get a handle on the non-cartoon poor perhaps we can move on to solving the problem of poverty among cartoon characters.

acronym for winner

Can you, my readers, help this person?

funny words that begin with “t”uesday

Um, what?  Does the word need to begin with “t” or “t”uesday?  Hmmm.  How about Tuesday?  Oh it has to being with the word Tuesday?  How about Tuesdayesque?  Sorry, that’s all I got.

old man sex story

This is mildly disturbing.  Would this sex story specifically cater to an audience of old men or involve an old man?  Either way, please don’t tell me anything about what you found.  Oh, and thanks again for the indelible mental picture of octogenarians locked together in intimate relations.  ARGH!

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Comments
  1. MizFit says:

    these always make me laugh.

    that LAST ONE is priceless.

  2. Tiffany says:

    Geez…alot of people come here looking for sex..better watch out haha

  3. “alot of people come here looking for sex.”

    I know. I write one article called “Sexercise” and I get this. The internet is a crazy place. No doubt all of these people were quite disappointed.

  4. Teresa says:

    Interesting that you assume the person looking for pictures of naked men was a guy…

    It’s just not the assumption I would make.

    🙂

  5. “Interesting that you assume the person looking for pictures of naked men was a guy…”

    Funny you should bring that up. Originally I inserted he/she but it looked bulky and annoying. So in an effort to be fair I flipped a coin to decide on a gender. It came up heads so I went with “he.”

  6. Teresa says:

    Ah. Understandable.

  7. “Ah. Understandable.”

    I would add to this that one of my professors in grad school almost had a student revolt on his hands because he obsessed over issues like gender neutral writing. One can only take so many he/she’s or weird uses of they.

    Sometimes, when I am alone typing and discuss my time as a fireman in some context, and MS Word suggests that I should use the term firefighter I yell at my computer a little. 😉 Darn little green line under the proper word.

  8. Teresa says:

    TT

    Generally, I agree with you…and use “he” as the dafault gender-neutral term.

    In this case, I probably would have said “this person’ or He/she.

    Or I might have done the same thing you did without thinking, and been called on it by a reader. 🙂

    It DOES read like an assumption that only men would be looking for nekked pictures…and that seems unlikely.

    Thought I would take the opportunity to make a snarky comment is all. 🙂

  9. Rochlelle says:

    Oh my…. I should check out who hits my site!! lol

    And love the use of GRE words. I am in the middle of studying for the GRE myself!!

  10. “Thought I would take the opportunity to make a snarky comment is all.”

    Not a problem. I don’t mind snark- especially on a snarky post like this.

  11. Plus Teresa, whether the searcher was male or female I can almost guarantee they probably got something they were not looking for based on that search term.

  12. Teresa says:

    TT,

    I figured you could take a little snark, as you seem good natured about dishing it out as well (not mean souding, just being funny and blowing off steam)

    I agree…the closest thing they got to a nekked man picture here is the before and after belly shots.

    And on those the photo artistry leaves something to be desired. I’m sure they were looking for something in composit-airbrushed-fake tan. 🙂

  13. Your link to my site didn’t work.

  14. “Your link to my site didn’t work.”

    Which one?

  15. “just being funny and blowing off steam…”

    Something I did? Or just a bad day?

    I am almost always fine with snark from people I know (you would be included). Heck, I can handle it from most strangers pretty well.

    “I agree…the closest thing they got to a nekked man picture here is the before and after belly shots.”

    Well that and his search for a nuked man also probably brought up some pretty gruesome stuff.

  16. Teresa says:

    “just being funny and blowing off steam…”

    Something I did? Or just a bad day?

    I laughed like crazy over your John Edwards Metrosexual post…even though I was rooting for him.

    🙂

  17. Oh good, I didn’t know you read my other blog. Gosh, it’s been a while since I wrote that.

  18. Teresa says:

    I linked to it from my blog. I summarized it as something like “We shouldnt vote for Edwards ’cause he has nice hair and he can’t make his wife shut up.”

    🙂

  19. HA! Excellent. Just for the record I didn’t mind his wife speaking her mind. What I didn’t like was that he remained silent on those same issues. It made it seem like his was throwing his cancer stricken wife out to make the criticisms he was afraid to. What was truly odd about it was that aside from her comments about Barack and race he shouldn’t have been afraid to speak up about Rush, Coulter, etc.

  20. Teresa says:

    I just viewed it as it’s more acceptable in society for a woman to complain about things like unfairness…whereas men are considered to be whiney if they complain about something they consider to be unfair.

    There’s also less of a barrier to complaining about unfairness on behalf of someone else…and more of a barrier to complaining about something for yourself.

    So she felt free to complain, and he didnt.

    Anyway, its over now, and hopefully they can spend more time together in the time they have left…undisturbed by politics.

  21. “Anyway, its over now, and hopefully they can spend more time together in the time they have left…undisturbed by politics.”

    Now if only those pesky love child rumors would go away. Did you see the picture in the N.E.? It looked doctored to me.

  22. Teresa says:

    LOL! I hadn’t heard anything about it, so I did a google search. For real? The guy in thos pictures is supposed to be John Edwards? His face is Waayyy fatter than that…

    One is so blurry it could be any brow-haired white guy…and the other is at a weird angle with a distorting facial expression…but the guy looks like he might be able to pass a stunt double for John Denver.

    Maybe they should have gone with a Zombie John Denver love-child story.

    Probably would have sold more papers.

  23. Teresa says:

    Which isn’t to say that it’s impossible that Edwards has had an affair…just those pictures are terrible.

  24. Stiletto says:

    Wait a sec. Am I missing something? How do you know it wasn’t a woman typing in ‘mens’ nuked photo?’

    Oh great. That last one rings awfully familiar. Ahem.

  25. I didn’t know. I also didn’t want to type he/she. So to be fair I flipped a coin, it landed heads, so I went with the male gender.

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