All the Creepy Emails Unfit for Print

Posted: January 20, 2008 in creative writing, entertainment, Funny, hillary clinton, John Edwards, joke, laugh, Politics, search terms, sickness

Let’s start off with a bang. This morning I woke up early to check for e-mails from my students only to find this in my inbox

Dsineys naekd catroon picutres

I opened the email only to find one line of text which read, “Asain cuite tkaing her clotehs off.” Totally false advertising, but at least they spelled two out of ten words right.

Then I found the following comment in my spam folder:

Life begins at conception, at birth

Nothing wrong with that, right (aside from the obvious contradiction)? Well, that’s what I thought until I saw the homepage listed with the comment- gayblinddatesex…. Do people really respond to this kind of comment spam?

grils havig sex with farm animales on vi

I can’t decide if this search term is about cooking implements having sex with animals or human females engaging in fornication with barnyard animals. While either way is gross, at least the first way lets you have a hamburger after.

hillary clinton in prophecy

I always thought the anti-Christ would be male…HA!

Murder, Suicide, Texas, Law School, grad

Are these just random words or did I miss some kind of news story with all these aspects included?

HILLARY SWANK

This just might be the nastiest search term ever. Ewwww!

weight loss gay

Do gay people lose weight differently from straight people?

John Edwards shirtless

I guess the girls over at Wonkette.com must be on Google again.

wrestling bulges

Um, how did you end up here?

gay fat

Is this different from straight fat? Maybe it is a little more colorful?

old gay mens

Well one out of three ain’t bad. Well not even one because I am a man, not a “mens.”

“total transformation” is crap

With all due respect sir, I disagree, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

4 armed 4 legged girl

I bet she is twice as handy and twice as fast!

John the Baptist muscle

Must be all the locust protein. Although I would imagine that the animal hides are quite chaffing.

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Comments
  1. sansoucy says:

    Too funny! I don’t know who in their minds would possibly respond to these e-mals. . . maybe the 4 armed 4 legged girl, lol! 🙂 Have a great Sunday!

  2. hillary clinton in prophecy

    I always thought the anti-Christ would be male…HA!

    Brilliant.

    I found one about Kaine witch pardon and was thinking… huh? So I googled it and found out the story.

    Four-armed, four-legged people are usually partial twins. There were a few of them in various circuses.

    I think the homosexual weight loss thing may have to do with support groups, (“Oh, honey, you look FAB in those tight jeans!”), or perhaps a slur on those who lose weight. 😉

  3. CatherineL says:

    It just amazes me that some of these people think they have a chance of getting their disgusting and pointless emails read.

  4. Healthy Tips says:

    :-s
    Ok..weird spams… I never get them..
    the disney one :-s :-s

  5. theepiphany says:

    haha, this was funny. It’s amazing what lengths sketchy advertisers will go to….and the fact that people give in – I just don’t understand it.

  6. thescoundrel says:

    Yew. It seems everyday my blog search terms are filled with disgusting search terms. I sit and wonder how that my blog comes up in their search! Some I realize come from the fact that I at times blog about online sexual predators. One such predator I blogged about actually has a link of my post denouncing his practices on his website that people follow to my site! Oh Well not much you can do about that. At least I know I upset them for pointing out there bs.

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