Could You Write the Next Great Novel? (Part Deux)

Posted: August 2, 2007 in blogging, challenge, creation, creative writing, education, Funny, hobbies, hopes, humor, joke, life, Me, misc, my life, publication, sarcasm, tips, vocabulary, wisdom, writing

Here are some sentences I humbly offer to help you on your way [If you use any of these sentences in your next great novel please give me credit.]:

“IF it weren’t for those damn squirrels! Now I was left to ponder, how would I get my toast out of the tree.”

Okay, that was two sentences, but just let it slide. Squirrels who steal toast aren’t for you?  How about this gripping beginning:

“AS my car spun off the road, and all I could think was, “How did that Elk know my name?”

Okay, the idea of a talking elk doesn’t get you thinking (in which case I must ask, what is wrong with you?).  But I’ll try something else.  If you want a deeply emotional beginning that tugs at the heart string, how about this:

“I had to admit, I did love her. But could I live with her odd obsession to shoelaces?”

So you didn’t like the squirrels, the talking elk, or the shoelace obsessed girlfriend. Well, you sure are tough to please. But maybe these next few might help:

“AS I looked inside my freezer I wondered, “Did I pay the power bill this month?”

The drama is so thick it is almost smothering. Well did he!? I can’t bear not knowing.

“THE dog ran up to my car, today’s newspaper in his mouth. The only problem was, I wasn’t parked, I was driving down the interstate.”

Take that Underdog!  You too Hong-Kong Fu-ee (or however you spell your name).

“THERE is a certain truth to the old cliche, you only live once.”

See, how’s that for deep thought?!

“AS I turned on the television, I stared blankly at the screen, wondering whether or not Oprah was going to talk about Barrack Obama today.”

Must see T.V.

“HEY,” I screamed at the intruder in my back yard, “Get out of my trash can bear!”

A hero threatening a wild beast- it doesn’t get better than that.

I repeat, if you use any of these sentences in your next great novel please give me credit. That is all I ask.  And if you have time, let me know- in the comments section- which of these sentences you enjoyed the most.  Or, please, leave your own favorite opening sentence(s) idea.

  1. Whorod says:

    That is one fast dog…

    And of course she was going to talk about him.

    Funny stuff. 🙂

  2. I am not good at writing and I am definitely not going to write a great novel but it worths trying.Although I prefer to read and not to write.

  3. writerchick says:

    I don’t know if I could write the next great novel – but I have written one. I’m also itching to start another. But, I’m doing the marketing thing now – it sucks and it’s boring.

  4. shenanigans says:

    “i knew if i was ever to watch another mel gibson movie i would have to punish myself, physically and severely.”

    it’s the opening to a short story i was planning, but if anyone has a better use, please feel free…

  5. I love it Shenanigans. What was the short story about? Is it written from the perspective of a Mayan (or were they Incas?) after watching Apocolytpo?

  6. Timothy says:

    If I ever write one, I’m going to start it with… “it was a dark and stormy night!” 🙂

    As in…
    “It was a dark and stormy night… there was a scream, followed by the sound of a thud… o, you dropped my novel did you? You have no appreciation for good literature!”

  7. faithwalk says:

    After living in Scotland one winter I discovered why those old novels opened with ” It was a dark and stormy night…”
    Every night that winter was dark and stormy! And the way the wind howled over the moors while the tress scratched at the windows in our 400yr old stone farmhouse…
    I finally understood where those British writers got their inspiration.
    I met their muse.

  8. faithwalk says:

    make that trees…
    when I finish my novels someone really needs to proofread them for me 🙂

  9. CatherineL says:

    These are brilliant John – I especially love the freezer one.

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